


Picture

by kibby (PrincessWinchester13)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Based on a song, Brief mention of drugs, Dean's poor coping skills, Destiel - Freeform, Drama, F/M, M/M, Past Infidelity, So much angst, brief discussion of infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-03-09 22:00:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13490643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessWinchester13/pseuds/kibby
Summary: I put your picture awaySat down and cried todayI can't look at youWhile I'm lying next to her





	1. Living My Life In A Slow Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks for checking out my fic. It's not going to be very long but this is the first part. Maybe just one or two more chapters. Just kind of wanted to see if anyone is enjoying it. It is based off of the song "Picture" by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow. So, ya know, angst and stuff. I was thinking of doing a series (with unrelated plot lines) of just my Destiel-take on different songs, so getting song suggestions would be awesome too! Enjoy!

Three nights.

It had been three nights since Dean had fallen into this most recent cycle of loose women, cheap alcohol, and waking up without ever seeing the sun. The ringing phone did not get answered and the text messages never got a response. In the darkness of the hotel room he could see the moon peeking through the clouds outside the window.

Searing red seeped into his vision as the alarm clock on the side of the bed signaled it was already well past seven in the evening. He leaned off the bed fumbling for his boxers that were tossed on the floor. After getting both legs in, he glanced around the room to try to recall last night. 

What was her name again? Sherry? Liza? Something like that. Dean couldn’t recall if the red-head was last night or the night before. 

This is how Dean buried his sorrow. 

Except he wouldn’t call it sorrow. He called it avoidance. Freedom. Anything else than what it actually was. Sorrow was for pansies and chicks and Dean was neither of those. 

He stumbled into the bathroom and rinsed off, not even bothering to shower the sex and sweat away before he would go out and do it all again. While he brushed his teeth, he ran his fingers through his hair and peeled a fake eyelash off of his bicep. His head had started to thrum and he knew he needed to get another drink in him before he got a hangover. “The man’s hangover cure” his dad used to say. Like father, like son her supposed. 

The hotel room had a small side table lamp he turned on to straighten out the room before finding clothes that didn’t smell too stale from his duffel. This was not Dean’s first rodeo and he blamed Sam. 

Sam and his stupid big mouth. 

But he really couldn’t be mad at Sammy, not really. In the end it all boiled down to Dean’s own stupid actions and everything that he fucked up on his own. 

The light from Dean’s phone illuminated the wall by the TV stand. Huffing, Dean decided it would be best if he just turned his phone off. No one would miss him and he didn’t want to hear anything anyone had to say anyway. None of it could make it better. 

Dean noticed he had 6 text messages from Sam and 10 missed calls. Overkill. Charlie even texted 3 times. None of these mattered, though. He didn’t matter. He didn’t care. Holding down the button he powered off the phone and headed down the road to the nearest bar. 

***

The bartender’s name was Ellen. She glared at him when he ordered his usual three fingers of whiskey to start off with. Her eyes stayed locked on his while she poured it and when he went to reach for it her glare intensified. “I have one thing to add tonight.” she started. Dean held back the urge to roll his eyes and gave Ellen the most charming smile he could muster. 

“And what’s that?” Dean inquired. Each night Ellen had given him a new rule.

First night was no bar fights. Well, that was no problem, he wasn’t there to talk to men. Nope. He’d sworn them off and had no intention going after a girl already with someone. And call Dean whatever name in the book but he wouldn’t start a bar fight with a woman intentionally. In his experience they usually won. 

Next. 

Second night was no driving. Ellen apparently saw how much alcohol Dean could really put back that first night with still being coherent enough to pick up a lady or two and head back to the hotel. She took his keys from him. The Impala now stayed safely parked at the hotel and he managed to convince the women he took back with him that it wasn’t that far of a walk. Fine. Check. Done. 

Next. 

Last night was the “You’ve had enough when I’ve said you’ve had enough” spiel. Dean had a bottle back at the hotel room and Cindy (oh! Right, Cindy was from last night), had a special treat for him in her purse. It had been a while since he had done that shit, but the occasion called for it. 

If Ellen thought she could get him backed into a corner she had another thing coming. He was Dean Winchester and he knew how to find loopholes. 

“You will not, under any circumstances, take my daughter back to whatever hole you’re staying in tonight.” Ellen wouldn’t give up the whiskey until Dean nodded in agreement with a ‘yes ma’am’ coming from his lips. 

Dean left some cash with a nice tip at the bar and wandered over to an empty bar table where he was able to check out most of the bar’s patrons. 

Not even two minutes later, Jo, Ellen’s daughter (of course), came up to the table with her notepad and a bar menu. “Burger again tonight Dean?” How could Ellen expect him to stick to the rules when a pretty blonde had batted her eyelashes at him?

“Yeah, that’d be great Jo.” Jo smiled at Dean’s response and hesitated before biting her lower lip and walking away. 

***

After making out with Jo and almost getting her to blow him in the alley behind the bar, Dean left the bar with a pretty brunette, Maria, if he remembers correctly. 

See, Dean followed Ellen’s rules and it definitely wasn’t Jo he took back to the hotel. Jo had slapped him when he (politely) declined her offer to go back with him following the messy hand job against the brick wall. 

Dean had found Maria in the bar and bought her a few drinks before they decided to head out, Jo glaring daggers as they left. They barely made it back to Dean’s hotel room before clothes were coming off. Into the room they staggered and by the time Dean had his pants down to his ankles, Maria was already in her bra and panties and pushed him down onto the bed. 

Maria giggled as she straddled him leaning down for a deep kiss. When Dean opened his eyes the wrong color blue was staring back at him. What little bit of an erection he had managed flagged at that point. 

Dark hair. Blue eyes. 

Fuck. 

The whole visage of what he had been doing had started to crumble around him at an alarming rate. His breath caught in his throat and his hands were shaking. Not wanting to have his mental break down with this imposter (albeit a pretty one) staring at him, he managed to pretend to take control of the situation and flip her over. 

He gave her the cockiest smile he could muster and mumbled about grabbing them another drink. As he approached his duffel bag on the far side of the room he could already hear her breath evening out and hoped she was too drunk to stay awake much longer. The bottle in his bag was mostly empty but he finished it off anyway and peeked back to see Maria passed out on the bed. 

Damn. He should’ve gotten a room with two beds. 

The little reprieve from his panic had started to fade and he grabbed the bag and locked himself in the bathroom. As he trembled, he lowered himself to the floor between the toilet and the tub and dug through his back pocket for his wallet. 

The picture was wrinkled and shoved behind a flap but it was there. Of course it was there. 

His self imposed dams broke and his eyes became blurry with tears. 

Cas. 

He stroked his thumb over the dark hair and bluest eyes. How could he ever try to make himself forget this man? 

The better question was, how could he have ever let himself lose him in the first place?

They were good. Things were good, great, even. And his past came back to haunt him in the form of one Lisa Braeden. It was all in the past but the evidence was there that he fucked up. 

He had been living with Castiel Novak for two years at that point and they were dating for three. Everything was perfect. Just the way it should be. They picked out the house together, they were close enough to Sam and Jess that it all felt right. This was going to be the rest of his life, and he was ecstatic. 

And Cas. Cas was the best thing that had ever happened to him. When he was with Cas, there was no hell. No worries or pain or panic. Granted they had their own fights and squabbles but nothing they would go to bed angry over. 

Not until Lisa showed up with a two year old. 

At the time Dean thanked his lucky stars that Cas wasn’t home, but in the end it didn’t really matter. Lisa explained that she wanted a paternity test done because it was possible that Ben, her son, was Dean’s. Dean’s stomach dropped. He was almost at the precipice of hesitant happiness and couldn’t wait to tell Cas. They had discussed children before and both of them couldn’t wait to adopt when they were more financially stable. However, that’s when Dean realized that Cas wouldn’t be happy if Ben was his. He was a smart man, he could do the math. 

He had cheated on Cas. 

Dean always made excuses to himself and chalked it up to the fact that they had only been officially dating for about three months at the point of the ten year high school reunion. And Cas wasn’t able to go with Dean that weekend, so Dean took it upon himself to go meet up with his old high school buddies and get shitfaced beforehand. 

He didn’t remember most of the night, however he did remember waking up in the morning naked next to Lisa in her hotel room while his phone vibrated in his jacket pocket. 

After Lisa had left his house that day Dean was made aware of Ben’s presence, Dean sat in silence in the office (which was really more like Cas’s library) while he looked around at everything he was about to lose. He couldn’t lose Cas. He wouldn’t make it without him, Dean was sure of it. And the ring he had bought had been burning a hole in his pocket. 

He couldn’t tell Cas. Dean decided he would have to figure everything out with Lisa first. Lisa wasn’t even one hundred percent positive that it was his anyway. 

That night when Cas came home, Dean had cooked Cas’s favorite burgers and set up their outside movie screen so they could cuddle under the stars. Dean tried to not be distant because he knew Cas sensed something was wrong but, Cas being Cas, he never pushed him about it or questioned him. Cas just held him tighter and kissed him for longer. 

Dean didn’t deserve Cas. While Dean was off screwing up their perfect life, Cas tried to make Dean feel better and without even knowing why. 

When they made love that night Dean tried to hold back the tears. 

That weekend when Sam and Jess had come over, Dean pulled Sam into the office and told him what was going on. The confused face Sam wore would’ve made Dean laugh in any other circumstance, but right now he needed his brothers help. 

A dumbfounded Sam made Dean backtrack and go over everything with him again. When Sam started running his big hand through his mop of hair while pacing, Dean had an inkling that there wasn’t much Sam was going to actually be able to help him with. 

Sam didn’t say anything for a long time but when he broke the silence with a strangled “You have to tell Cas”, Dean knew he was done for. 

What he didn’t know at the time, was that Cas had walked in at that same moment with a carefree smile on his face and made his presence known with a “Have to tell Cas what?”. Cas’s smile had instantly fallen when he saw the somber expressions of the Winchester brothers. 

Sam left with Jess and Dean told the love of his life what happened. He had sworn he didn’t even remember going back with Lisa or sleeping with her, but all the evidence was there and he really couldn’t deny it anymore. Cas hadn’t yelled or cried or done much of anything but sit there stoically with his hands clenched in fists in his lap. 

That was the first night they had ever gone to bed angry or fighting with each other. Dean had slept on the couch. 

Cas showed no emotion to him the following week when Dean was to be tested to see if Ben was his son. He almost wished that Cas would yell or scream at him so he would know what he had been thinking or where he was at. But that never came. Cas stood by Dean all the way through knowing that Dean was having a hard time with all of it. Selfless bastard. 

Amazing selfless bastard. 

Dean was not the father. Again, if this was a different situation he would have made some lame Jerry Springer or Maury joke and left it at that to go home and have a beer. Lisa looked broken hearted while Dean said goodbye to the toddler that was almost his. Cas held his hand out of the office and down to the Impala when they parted ways with Lisa and Ben. 

When they got home, Cas asked him to leave. 

That was two weeks ago. 

And five days ago, Dean found out that Cas was going to New York with his friend Balthazar. Dean hated that dip shit because he knew he had liked Cas at one point and probably still did, but outside of their mutual friends, Balthazar was the closest friend that Cas had and Dean would have never denied him any of that. 

Cas and Balthazar. New York. 

Dean knew Balthazar would put a move on Cas if he hadn’t already. And Cas was probably still too upset and confused to resist or stop him, and Dean didn’t know if he would want Cas to. This was all Dean’s fault and Cas deserved so much better than Dean could ever give him. 

Dean had re-lived everything over and over again in his mind constantly. The alcohol and drugs were the only things that had helped him forget momentarily. And now he was on the bathroom floor of some hotel with a picture of Cas clutched in his palm, held against his heart, as he cried. 

The sobs continued to wrack his body as he pulled out his phone to power it on. He needed someone else, not just another warm body in a bed next to him, he needed family. Sam was the logical choice but instead, Dean decided to call Charlie. 

The phone rang four times before Dean realized it was almost 4 a.m. and he was doing no one any favors by calling this time of the night. He almost hung up when he heard a click and a worried Charlie say “Dean”. 

A monsoon of feelings of anger and guilt crushed him again as he cried into the phone while Charlie made little cooing and hushing sounds to try to calm him down. Streaked with tears, he rested his face against the tub where the cool porcelain soothed his ruddy cheeks as he tried to calm himself down. Charlie asked him to come back home at some point during his heaving. Didn’t she know he didn’t have a home anymore? His home was with Cas. Cas would never take him back after this. How could he? 

In between hiccups Dean told Charlie he would leave after he got some sleep. Charlie promised him a couch to sleep on and a shoulder to cry on. 

When he hung up with Charlie, Dean dropped his phone into his duffel, stood up and splashed water on his face. After, he opened the bathroom door to go back out into the room and realized he would have to sleep next to this stranger. This dark haired blue eyed stranger that could never even hold a flame to who Dean really needed and craved with his whole being. 

His world had grown so dark. 

With all of his clothes still on, Dean climbed into bed next to Maria. Dean took one last look at his picture of Cas and rubbed it softly putting it back in his wallet. He couldn’t tarnish the memory of Cas any more than he had, and look at him while lying next to her. 

***

What Dean hadn’t heard were the soft vibrations of his phone in his bag with an incoming call from Cas.


	2. Everyone Knows But They Won't Tell

Castiel sat on the edge of the tub in the hotel room clutching his phone with his hands in his lap. The picture of Dean as the background on his phone slowly fading as the phone locked itself. Of course Dean hadn’t answered, it was four in the morning, he was probably just sleeping. 

Yeah. Sleeping.

Castiel closed his eyes tightly as small tears escaped. He had thought that having some time apart would do him some good. Do Dean some good. However, Castiel was miserable. That was the only reason Balthazar had suggested that Castiel come with him to New York. But this just made Castiel feel the distance between Dean and himself even more. His heart was pulling to be back home and to be back with Dean.

The days following the “event”, which Castiel had mentally named the apocalypse, were the worst in his existence. He went through the motions of supporting Dean and being there for him in whatever manner he could be at the time while quietly berating himself for letting it get to that point in their relationship. 

Granted things weren’t always sunshine and daisies, but he thought they were good. Thought they always had been good. But apparently he had not been good enough for Dean. He couldn’t truly give Dean the things he really wanted, really craved. Castiel should’ve seen this coming. 

It’s just that they were good for so long. 

But that didn’t matter. Not anymore. 

His tears became sobs as he sunk down from the edge of the tub onto the floor curling in on himself. That’s how Balthazar found him, a snot nosed mess in pajama pants and a T-shirt on the cold tiled bathroom floor. 

“Cassie, dear, it’s nearly 5am. Did you get any sleep at all?” Balthazar rubbed his eyes and sat down on the closed toilet to face him. 

“Just leave me alone Balthazar.”

“Well, I really wish I could. However you’re one of my only friends I still have who doesn’t use me for my money so I figured if I spoiled you every once in a while you wouldn’t ugly cry over it.”

“Balthazar… you know… y-you know I’m not crying because of you, right?” Castiel’s tears had slowed a bit as he started hiccuping. 

Rolling his eyes Balthazar sighed “Ah yes. That moron.” Castiel didn’t have time to come to Dean’s defense before Balthazar continued, “You know you deserved better. Deserve better. No matter how long you were together for at the time, doesn’t make it ok for him to lie to you like that. And to think I hired him to help me with my car collection…” Balthazar trailed off semi-lost in thought. 

Castiel took a shuddering breath “I just don’t know how to live without him Balthazar. The- our house. How am I supposed to live there?”

Balthazar contemplated him for a moment before flopping off the toilet and onto the floor next to him and wrapping his arm around him, “Cassie, no matter what you do you know I’ll be here for you. So why don’t we just take it one day at a time and enjoy our little trip. Don’t think about it for now, don’t think about him, and then once we get you home, I’ll stay with you for a while, how’s that?”

“In my ‘mediocre’ house as you call it?” Castiel questioned his friend while wiping at his nose with the back of his hand.

“Ah yes, well. You can’t win them all. It does need some sprucing up a bit.” Balthazar paused “Oh! I know! Let’s renovate!”

“Balthazar-”

“We can do the kitchen? Or the master bedroom.” Balthazar wagged his eyebrows suggestively. 

“Balthazar…” Castiel dropped his eyes to his lap, as his hands fidgeted with his cell phone.

Balthazar paused. His cocky expression melted as he listened to Castiel whimper about not hearing from Dean for three days now. Dean had been leaving him texts and voicemails. At first they were apologetic but then it was just like Dean needed to hear his voice. Castiel never answered and he bemoaned to Balthazar how he wished now he could speak to Dean. Not hearing from Dean was another hell in itself. 

Balthazar squeezed Castiel’s shoulder where his arm was still wrapped around him, “I know it’s hard Cassie. But I’ll be here for you. You have people here for you.” catching Castiel’s eyes he half smiled, “Now, let’s get off to bed. C’mon. We can cuddle if you want.” Balthazar smirked.

Balthazar helped Castiel off the floor and gave him a hug before turning around and heading back out. Castiel wet his face and stared at himself in the sink. Balthazar was right. There was nothing he could do about it right now. But he could try to get a little bit of sleep. He wiped his eyes and headed back to bed stowing his phone on the bedside table with one last look at his background of himself and Dean.

***

The following day Balthazar came back to the room again after a night out to find Castiel crying in front of some Hallmark Channel movie with three empty bottles of disgusting cheap wine strewn about. 

Balthazar took Castiel back home the following morning.

***

Getting back home was bittersweet. On one hand Castiel felt the love and comfort that he and Dean had enveloped into the house, but on the other hand, Castiel also felt the emptiness that Dean had left behind. Both in the house and in his heart.

Balthazar took over the guest room leaving a disastrous pigsty in his wake. The fourth day home, Castiel woke from a fitful sleep to the sounds of hammers and drills. Rubbing his eyes he stopped short at the horde of workers in his kitchen while Balthazar drank his latte in a silk robe blatantly admiring the workers. 

He hadn’t been joking about the renovations, then.

***

Castiel went through the motions. Holed himself in his room most of the time he was home. Ate enough to keep living, even when he didn’t feel like it, and tried to sleep. Sleep consisted mostly lying in bed as he stared at his memories of Dean and him making their house a home. The blackness of sleep only came in the early hours of the morning.

A few days after Balthazar started the kitchen renovation, Castiel opened the front door expecting it to be the workers but instead finding Sam Winchester fidgeting, giving a forced smile. Castiel immediately thought the worst and his mind jumped to something being wrong with Dean but then realized that Sam wouldn’t be trying to smile if that was the case. 

“Hey Cas.”

“Sam. Come in.” Castiel shuffled aside to let the towering Winchester enter the house. Sam glanced around, eyebrows raised at the mess the kitchen had become before turning to Castiel again. Castiel waited to hear about some news about Dean. He hadn’t heard from him and he was pretty sure that made it worse than the initial week with all the phone calls he hadn’t answered.

“I’m sorry for intruding but I just had to pick up something for Dean if that’s ok.” 

Of course, Castiel thought. Dean must have been fine and was starting to move on and just didn’t want to have to face Castiel again. After a much too long gap of silence from Castiel he responded out loud “-Of course, Sam. What is it that you need?”

Sam explained that he needed Dean’s extra set of keys for the Impala. For his “baby” as he had always put it. Castiel went to the library to get it from the drawer Dean had kept it in only realizing then that he hadn’t been in there since he had found out about Lisa. He stood there staring around the room as Sam came up behind him looking for the keys. Absentmindedly, Castiel handed them over to Sam and then turned to look at him. Sam looked almost as lost as Castiel looked, but in a different way. He was being polite and quiet and when Castiel questioned him about it he just shook his head and huffed just saying Dean misplaced them.

That wasn’t right. Dean wouldn’t misplace his keys to the Impala. But was it even Castiel’s place anymore to question it? 

Castiel stood in silence again a bit too long and before he knew it Sam was closing the front door behind him. Castiel walked into the demolished kitchen and picked up one of the mallets the workers had left behind and unleashed his fury and pain on the brand new cabinets just installed.

***

Balthazar balked at the damage when he came back but joined Castiel on the kitchen floor while he cleaned up his friend’s bloody knuckles.

***

The week came and went and Balthazar somehow convinced Castiel to go to church with him that Sunday. They decided to walk since it had been nice enough out and they were only about a mile away from the church. Castiel had showered and shaved the night before once he realized that he didn’t remember the last time he had done so. Balthazar said it was a definite improvement and was sure Castiel would be “better in no time.” Castiel balked at that, just wishing Dean would finally get back in touch with him.

On their walk to the church they passed through the center of the town where all the small Mom and Pop shops were. Castiel was distracted because he thought he saw the Impala in a parking lot across the street that he didn’t realize until it was too late that his path collided with another’s. As he looked down he realized two things: first, he had collided with Charlie Bradbury and sent her toppling to the ground, books spilling out of a bag, and second, Dean was standing next to her.

Castiel’s eyes shot up as he took in the pallid features of his Dean. Dean’s cheeks were hollow, his skin pale, the bags under his eyes were more pronounced than ever before, and his normal leather jacket was replaced by a black zip up hoodie that had seen better days. But his eyes, his eyes were still the most vibrant shade of green that Castiel had ever seen. Castiel felt like color had finally returned to his gloomy world while he locked eyes with Dean.

Balthazar helped Charlie up off the ground and that distracted them enough to break their reverie so Castiel could apologize profusely to the redhead he still considered a friend.

“Stop it Cas, it’s no problem. Really.” Charlie brushed herself off.

Castiel turned his attention back to Dean, “Hello, Dean.”

Dean’s response was barely above a whisper as his eyes darted to Balthazar and then down to the ground, “Hey Cas.”

Balthazar and Charlie made small talk while Castiel patiently waited for Dean to look back up at him. Their eyes met again for the briefest of moments before Dean pushed past them and started walking away, “Just meet me at the bar Charlie.”

And just like that, Castiel’s world became colorless again. Nothing would ever compare.

Charlie apologized after a moment and said her goodbyes while heading after Dean in the direction he escaped to. Balthazar grabbed Castiel’s elbow to get him to continue walking. They made it to the church and sat through the service. 

After mass, Balthazar stayed to catch up with his family and Castiel walked back to his house. He noticed the Impala still parked in the parking lot on the way back, but didn’t see any trace of Dean or Charlie.

***

When Castiel arrived home he took off his trenchcoat and started walking through the house to climb back into his bed when something stopped him as he passed by the kitchen. On the counter sat a dusty wrapped present and a card with a sticky note… “Found this behind the refrigerator, didn’t want to throw it away. -Steve”. Castiel assumed Steve was the contractor that Balthazar had blatantly checked out while they were working and curiosity got the best of him and he opened the package. The card was labeled to him in Dean’s handwriting and the thin box was wrapped in comics from the newspaper. The gift inside was a framed picture of Dean and Cas dancing together at Sam’s wedding. Castiel choked back a gasp as he ran his fingers over the picture of himself and Dean staring into each other’s eyes.

Castiel wasn’t sure how long he stood there before propping the frame up and going for the card. His hands shook as he opened it. It was a funny card with a man in a beekeeper’s suit on the front and a poorly written joke about the birds and the bees on the inside, but that’s not what had caught Castiel’s attention. It was Dean’s writing in the card…

 

Dear Cas,

Man, do you make me nervous! You’re probably reading this right now rolling your eyes at the card while I fidget on the other end of the couch. I’ll tell you why i’m fidgeting in a minute… Cas, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me. And I know I’m a pain and I haven’t always made the right choices but you’ll always be the right choice. 

You took me out of hell. Did you know that? You saved my sorry ass from all the shit I was fucked up on. Why? How could someone like you love someone like me? Don’t get me wrong, I’m fucking glad you do, but it still amazes me every day. You amaze me every day. And there’s nothing in this world that will stop me from loving you. You’re my no matter what Cas. You’re it. It’s that plain and simple.

Alright, so now that I’ve made this enough of a chick flick moment, make sure you look at me after this last sentence (I’ll be the guy down on one knee)- will you marry me Castiel?

Forever, 

Dean

 

Castiel stood there with his hand pressed over his mouth. Dean had dated the card at the bottom of the date of their upcoming anniversary. After the initial shock had worn off Castiel put the card down and started pacing in front of the picture on the counter. He turned and looked at the picture “You fucking asshole. What the ever living fuck, Dean?!” He grabbed at his hair and bunched it through his fingers, “You… you… assbut!” Castiel stopped his not so eloquent argument with a picture frame when he heard a cough from behind him. He turned to find Balthazar standing there perplexed. 

“What the hell am I doing, Balthazar?” Castiel demanded.

“Honestly Cassie, I have no idea.” Balthazar’s eyebrows were practically up in his hairline as he stared at his friend.

“I love him. Why am I doing this? What am I doing?” Castiel continued pacing, “Either I am with him or I am not, and I don’t know how to not be with him at this point.”

“Obviously.” Balthazar said rolling his eyes.

“What?” Castiel’s head shot around to his friend.

“Cassie. I’ve been trying to get you to kick me out for eons and run back to your glorious buffoon. Do you know what red and I talked about today while you two stood there eye-fucking? We were talking about you idots blatantly in front of you. Neither of you noticed because it’s only ever been you two for each other.” Balthazar huffed seemingly annoyed.

“But you said-”

“I said,” Balthazar interrupted “that you deserved better. Which you did. And you still do. But holy fuck Castiel, you’ve been in mourning for someone who isn’t even dead and has been sleeping at Charlie’s apartment right above that bookstore we bumped into them coming out of today. Now, I don’t know why Dean did what he did then, but it was stupid. Are you going to let something so fucking stupid ruin your life?”

Castiel stood there, mouth agape, taking in what Balthazar had said. Suddenly, Castiel had his phone out in his hand and was calling that familiar number with shaking hands and sweaty palms. Balthazar mumbled something about finally being able to leave this hellhole while he traipsed off, assumingly to pack.

The phone rang. And rang. And rang. Castiel was about to hang up to try again when Dean answered, “Cas? Are you okay?” he could tell Dean was still at the bar but tried to get to a quiet spot as the other voices faded into the background. 

“Dean”

“Cas, what’s wrong?”

“I just-” Castiel choked on his words “I just- I found your picture, today.”

A brief pause and then, “What?”

“Your picture. You hid it behind the fridge.”

There was too much silence on the other end, the implication of what else Cas had found along with the picture hanging in the air, “I’m sorry Cas, I shouldn’t have left it there. I tried to have Sam look for it but he couldn’t find it. I was just hoping that it would be me giving it to you, you know? Get my act together and change myself to be better for you and give it to you.”

Tears started escaping from Castiel’s eyes, but he continued, “Dean, I- Dean. Come home.”

“What?” Disbelief tinged with cautious happiness colored that one word.

“Come back home.”

A sob escaped Dean, “I’ll change Cas, I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”

“Dean, I love you. Come back home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's been a while. Knew I had to do this at some point for you all. Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! Let me know what you think please!

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!!! Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!


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